Son, I’m Sorry

Son, I’m Sorry
I've wanted to cry. 
To let out all the emptiness and pain. 
I'm unable to. 

Life's been good. 
Though, I have been in a circle. 
I see nothing different. 

Everything is the same. 
There is fear for everything. 
The older I get, the more fear I feel. 

Being a father heighten my thoughts on mortality, 
Being a father has broken me more than build me. 
What have I done to my son? 

I've brought you into a world.
One where hate thrives, knowingly. 

I hear, read, and live through it.
And I hoped that people can coexist.
I was in over my head on it. 

Today, I feel utterly indebted.
There is no use but to learn pain.
To understand selfishness.

There is a mortality. 

I see the joy in your smile.
I can see the enthusiasm in your eyes.
The sheer joy of life with us. 

Are you able to tell the pain in mine? 
How much I cry because life is a lie? 
How much I wish that this wasn't what you came to? 

I'm ecstatic to have you.
But I break inside every time I see you. 
This world is cruel.
My selfishness has brought you here. 

One day I hope.
I can better explain to you my pain.
But today I must keep you safe. 

Allowing you to enjoy yourself. 
To see it in a beautiful view. 
To smile in the mornings. 
To be fully in love with life. 

Time will take that all away from you.
It will even take me.
This life is temporary. 
But it hurts all the way through.

- Ruptes

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