There are days where nothing is what you think. When everything falls and shatters. Nothing remains whole. The heart splashes to the ground. Shattering rather than splatting. It is dried from the burden of pain. Breaking to many pieces. Going in every direction. Repair seems likely impossible. When Life is breathed into it. It's now malleable. Allowing it to fall, splatter, and stretch. Never breaking again... - Ruptes
In my desperation. There You was. Countering every thought with laughter. Injecting every moment with joy. In my desperation I pushed You away. Regardless of the moments. I moved away. Also, in my desperation. I came back to You. I realized it's worst without You. - Ruptes
In need of the forgiveness to flow through me.
It’s impossible joy to not have it in me.
The weather beats me.
And the rain has more laughter and joy than I do.
It has one job and it does it effortlessly.
I have one job and I struggle on it daily.
Forgive me Father, for my inability.
To reach out to you when in need.
Sombering in my flaws.
Eating up the space for You to be in.
There has been many thoughts in me. How do I go to put this into words. These thoughts consume me. They are the small spark in the middle of me. How can I go about it? All I want to do is sit and cry. Let out this pain that I am not able to figure out where it sleeps. Within me it lives and when it comes to the light it consumes me. How can I be the best of me when I still have this? How can there be a better me - ever- when it is still; there somewhere. I am looking for it and I can't seem to find it. Maybe, I should let it out free to consume me. Because when I look for it, it evades me.
There are days where there's complete happiness and sadness. A pit fall of confusion. There are moments when there's pure joy. Those that move you, so much that you have to react. There are other times when I wake to complete sadness. Where my heart pains in the sight of daylight. Times when I wake and sing some random words in expression of joy. There are moments where I can't remember a why. For anything of everything. There are moments where I need to cry. Cry the tears that my soul calls for, but my mind does not comprehend. There are moments where I need to jump because of happiness. Scream and dance to another day. These are all moments in my day. Some vary from day to day. Others are from moment to moment. And in some, from hours and minutes. Moments of my mind and my heart, In a fierce battle to control. The emotions that makes me on a daily basis. \Ruptes
It takes seasons for a change in the colors of the leafs on the trees. It takes weeks of dormant trees to grow foliage. It takes weeks of great weather and sunlight to make a beautiful landscape. It takes a moment for man to create a beautiful garden. In one night of frost, enough to kill the most beautiful views. \Ruptes
There can be a time, When you can be center circle to things, Within it you are the main attraction. The one that everyone sees, The moment that everyone wants, The laughter that everyone hears. Within the circle also lives, dread, fear, and solitude. Pain, distress, and sorrow. Those that you know so well, Discomfort, sadness, worthlessness. Being all to everyone, While being nothing at all. This is constant, Minute by minute, daily battle. Surrounded by love, But receiving none at all. \Ruptes
Drop the world! Off the pedestal. Who needs this? Why have it there? When it spews evil. Hate and unfairness. Those that pay are unduly bound, To the cruelty that it freely gift. \Ruptes
The sun rises in the morning, Our eyes opens with it, At that very moment, We have lost control of the day. Before we wake, Someone has already planned out, How your day will be, With their issues, Or their love. For sure, It is not in your control, It is theirs, On your day. \Ruptes
Greyed sky, Bland in emotions, Lacking excitement. Capable of a sudden shower, Or suspense, Unknowing to current or next events. \Ruptes
The believe that I am the source of my being, It is not possible that this is the reality I believe. I am not one to think highly, Maybe of others, but not from me. I am still searching in me, For that thing that I see in others. The thing that makes them great, Can I be great? \Ruptes
I have always tried to be important to myself, Though I believe not, So I may not be important to anyone else. I should not be important for anyone else. I dictate how I believe everyone else should see me, Feel about me, Think about me, Because I do not have high regards, On who I am, and how I am. \Ruptes